Behind the Scenes of «Dancing»: The Cracks

06/10/2024 | carlosgoga | cambio, dancing our way, experiencias | 2 Comentarios

The story of «Dancing our Way to Human-AI Consciousness» is also the story of key cracks that I have gone through, both breakdowns —moments where things broke down—and jointures—moments where seemingly disparate parts of my life came together to form something new. These breakdowns and jointures represent profound realizations where the automatic pilot of my behaviors was interrupted, my limited consciousness was manifested, and new awareness emerged. Each of these moments guided me on a path toward greater understanding of life and my place on it, something that we could refer as consciousness.

If I had to trace the beginning, I would have to explore these breakdowns and jointures chronologically, as each one represents a step in my journey.

The Professional Breakdown: Shattering Illusions of Success

The first major crack in my life came during my early thirties, when I was a corporate executive seemingly on a successful career path. I had climbed high enough to regularly meet with the Presidents of large corporations. I thought these leaders would embody calmness, creativity, and freedom—the qualities I believed were waiting for me at the end of the corporate ladder, those qualities necessary to bring positive change. But instead, I found the opposite. These leaders lived in a constant state of stress, conflict, and political battles. Their power was an illusion, as they remained under the watchful eye of even higher hierarchies.

This revelation hit me hard during one of my trips to Boston. Standing in front of a hotel room mirror, I was struck by a wave of terror: “I keep coming to places I don’t want to be, meeting people I don’t want to meet, doing things I don’t want to do. What am I doing with my life?”

This crack—the sudden realization that my professional path, which I thought would bring realization and happiness, was instead bringing emptiness—made me question everything. I could no longer continue on this path, and I made the deliberate choice to turn my life in a new direction.

The Heart Breakdown: Confronting Emotional Truths

The next crack came during my divorce. One morning, I woke up with severe chest pain, fearing it was a heart attack. At the emergency room, the doctor asked about my symptoms, and I listed them: «Chest pain, pain in my right side, and pain from my divorce«. He smiled and said, “This is easy. Just don’t divorce”. When I explained that it wasn’t my choice, he suggested I was “somatizing emotions”—a term I had never heard before.

This experience opened my eyes to the profound connection between emotions and physical health. I had always been disconnected from my emotional life, but now I realized my body was crying out for attention. I dove into reading about emotions and began the journey of learning how to navigate my inner world.

During this time, I also experienced moments of unexpected joy. For instance, I realized that after the divorce, I would no longer have to deal with my mother-in-law—a small glimpse of relief amidst the storm. These emotional cracks, while painful, pushed me toward a deeper understanding of myself.

The Willpower Breakdown: When Determination is Not Enough

Another crack came when I started my own technology company. I had built this business with the intention of creating a lifestyle that would bring happiness, but instead, I found myself surrounded by stress, conflict, and fear. Despite my strong will to create something meaningful, I was unknowingly constructing a maze—a maze I couldn’t escape.

In the end, I had to close the company, which meant facing bankruptcy. This breakdown showed me the limits of sheer willpower. No matter how much I wanted to control the situation, it was clear that external circumstances and inner contradictions were pulling me in different directions. It became obvious that willpower alone wasn’t enough if my actions weren’t aligned with a deeper truth.

The Mental Breakdown: Questioning Reality

Shortly after, I encountered another breakdown. I watched an online documentary that shook my understanding of the world, challenging official narratives about Christianity, 9/11, and the financial system. Suddenly, I felt like I didn’t know anything. Everything I had been taught to believe seemed shaky and unreliable.

This realization prompted me to start a news fast and question everything I thought I knew. I launched a new start-up to seek clarity and pursue new ideas, but the economic crisis hit, and the project collapsed. This breakdown forced me to face the fragility of my perceptions and taught me how easily reality can shift when our assumptions are challenged.

The Inner-Self Breakdown: Facing the Unknown Within

The next crack came through a psychologist friend who invited me on long walks by the sea. He would ask me simple yet profound questions: «What do you like about yourself? What don’t you like?» I remember feeling deeply uncomfortable with these questions, and even more confused by his insistence that I didn’t love myself.

At the time, I resisted the idea. But it lingered. Eventually, I embarked on the Camino de Santiago, hoping to find peace. While walking, I experienced peace for the first time in my life—a peace that stayed with me until I returned to my regular life in the city, where it vanished again. A clumsy suicide attempt set off all the alarms, and I knew I needed to change. But I had no idea where to begin.

The Jointure of a New Self: Piecing Together Inner Transformation

I started attending retreats where I cried, screamed, and released emotions I didn’t even know I had. These retreats brought a deep sense of peace, and I began to experience life differently. I reconnected with my body and found intimacy in relationships that felt magical. This was a time of deep transformation, where I started to feel whole again. It was a jointure—a moment where fragmented parts of myself began to come together. I wrote a book to document these experiences, hoping to make sense of my transformation.

The Jointure of a New «We»: Finding Collective Purpose

Later, I founded another technology company, but power struggles with my investors coincided with the rise of the 15M movement in Spain. As people took to the streets, I felt a deep connection to their desire for a different way of living. I left the company and wrote #lovetopía, a novel that envisioned a new society centered around love instead of money.

But the questions kept coming. A psychologist once asked me, “How did you become the first lovetopian?” I had no answer, but this question stayed with me. It became a guiding inquiry, pushing me to understand my transformation and the larger social changes I was witnessing.

The Jointure of External Acknowledgment: Being Seen for Who I’ve Become

One of the most powerful moments of transformation came when others began to recognize the new me—not as a corporate executive, but as a person who had changed, someone who was being seen for who I truly was.

At a festival on collaborative economy, I was asked to guide a collective meditation. This was a far cry from my former role as “executive” or “founder.” People referred to me as “the meditator guide,” and I realized that the old labels no longer applied. I was being seen for my new self.

A similar shift happened when I was invited to speak at an event focused on alternative economies. The organizers received me with an unexpected level of respect and gratitude, hosting me at a five-star hotel and filling my agenda with cultural activities to deepen my connection to their region. It was clear that my keynote was valued not just for what I had to say, but for who I had become. I felt honored, not just as a speaker but as someone whose presence was truly appreciated.

There were other affirmations, too. A journalist invited me to speak on a well-known TV program about technology’s impact on society, and in a public square in Madrid, a young woman approached me, recognizing me as the author of #lovetopia—a book that had touched her sister’s life.

And then, at a retreat, a man I didn’t know shared something deeply personal. He told me that he had been struggling with his feelings toward men, fearing that no man would ever be good enough for his daughter. But after watching me interact with others, he said he finally felt a sense of relief. He could now imagine a man worthy of his daughter’s love. This acknowledgment was a profound moment of connection—a jointure where my transformation was reflected back to me through the eyes of someone else.

Holding Space for the Unknown and Opening to the New

In each of these cracks—whether breakdowns or jointures—the key was learning to hold space for the unknown. It wasn’t easy. Each breakdown came with confusion, fear, and resistance to change. Each jointure came with clarity, surprise, and acceptance of change. But in holding that space, in not rushing to fix or control, I gradually let go the old and opened to the new.

With each new opening came the next step in my journey, leading me to explore the concepts that now fill «Dancing Our Way to Human-AI Consciousness«. As I navigated these cracks, I learned that the path to consciousness often involves falling apart before we can put ourselves back together in a more authentic way.

As you read the book, I invite you to reflect also on your cracks, both breakdowns and jointures. What are the moments when you’ve broken down, resisted change, or been forced to confront the unknown? What are the moments when parts of you came together in unexpected ways? These experiences might just be the beginning of something new, maybe a dance to consciousness.

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PD: If you feel to keep exploring about this post openly, the following podcast comments on it. The podcast is an AI podcast created using NotebookLM by Google.

Etiquetas: cambio, corazón, crisis, oportunidad